


Utopia

by Aglardes



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: AU, Clubbing, Dark, Gangs, I feel sorry for Eren, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin) Being An Asshole, Love/Hate, M/M, Possessive Eren Yeager, Sex, cruel Levi, messed up relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-14
Updated: 2015-04-14
Packaged: 2018-03-22 20:38:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3742816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aglardes/pseuds/Aglardes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Eren will do everything for Levi, no matter how much it hurts him on the inside. Au (Eren and Levi being young gang leaders (and university students).)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Utopia

**Author's Note:**

> Don't pay attention to the weird writing perspective at the beginning. It's just something I wanted to try out.  
> Oh and Eren is acting quite OOC. Just to be warned. And Levi might sound weird, but he has reasons for everything he does in here, yeah?  
> P.S. I don't own Eren and Levi; which is a good thing (for them).

_Try to imagine that one day, your senpai harshly pushed you against a wall and kissed you. Without a reason. Out of the blue. And you kissed him back because – damn it, it felt good -you wanted him to continue. Maybe you had been in love with him all along or maybe you hadn’t but that didn’t matter because he was yours from now on, and yours alone and would be yours forever. That’s what you promised each other. You had always been quite possessive of the ones you loved. And you did love him. (Love comes in many ways.)_

_Sounds ideal, huh?_

_But does an ideal life exist?_

_Eren doesn’t think so._

 

Cheap neon coloured lights are reflecting the dull mood Eren currently has. Even though he almost knows this place better than he knows his own house, the monotony of the basement never fails to surprise him and make him feel small. How, just how did this become his life?

_Did I forget to mention how your childhood friend had changed after that? How he, one day had taken you to a dull basement below a dancing and introduced you to a certain ‘friend’ who promised the two of you an ideal life if you two did exactly what he told you to do. Which you had done, and before you two had known it, you had been involved in things so shameful you didn’t even want to talk about them. The basement had become yours, and before  a ‘gang’ had been created, which you were part of ánd your childhood friend had somehow become the leader. The two of you had gotten quite a reputation at school- and the gang in your quarter- and your popularity had risen. You two had felt invincible, or at least you believed you felt invincible until … that day when your childhood friend had told you to pick up some women to end some nasty rumours about a relationship between the two of you. The relationship you actually had of course, and you told him that – 'What’s your problem man, it’s not like they will kill us for it; why should we give a fuck?’ – but he had answered you he didn’t want to lose his newly found life and position and that the both of you both needed to make some sacrifices for that. And you... You always did what he said.  
(Yeah, maybe I should have mentioned that (?))_

Eren is sitting next to Levi, his childhood friend, on a luxurious red seat that Levi once ordered _‘because sitting on it made him feel like a king’._ The music from upstairs, hard and fast bass tunes, fill the basement, but not in an annoying way. It makes everything seem a little less dull and a bit more alive. Just a tiny bit more, because vitality isn’t actually present to a large extent in the place. The smell of smoke is in the air, and someone with an excellent olfactory sense would easily pick up the smells of sex, alcohol and ‘worse’ drugs too. Eren has gotten sick of it, but the basement is Levi’s little palace and Eren knows better than to criticize Levi’s stuff.

 

There are many different people in the room, but they’re the usual type of people. Gang members, waiting for Levi’s orders, confused party people from upstairs who don’t yet realize what they have gotten themselves into, groupies, people who’re attracted by danger and the dark side of nightlife, Mister K; the man who once got him into this inescapable mess, drug addicts and others who Eren can’t quite categorize but who must have their own reasons to come down to the basement as well.

Sometimes there are some inexperienced school girls as well, who want to see where there school’ s idols go to and if the rumours are all true. Eren doesn’t even know why Levi still bothers to go to school anymore. It’s not like they have time to study because the basement hungrily slurps all of their free time without showing any mercy. The boy frowns because of his own thoughts. The atmosphere in the room always gives him weird, poetic ideas and he has no idea where they even come from. It’s not like there's a little poet hidden inside of him, because then that little poet should have been crushed and eaten by his sorrows years ago already.

Levi slowly gets up out of the seat and enjoys the stares he gets from the people of his kingdom. It surely is a kingdom to be proud of. Not really.

Eren guesses Levi must know that too, and that that must be the reason why he's aiming for bigger goals every time. Levi is a ruler. In many ways.

Eren is a follower. This place, this position is as much his as it is Levi’ s but it fits Levi so much more and… Eren once used to accept that fact. He doesn’t anymore. Not quite.

‘There’s nothing planned for tonight, so have some fun upstairs or come with me if you want that special prize... if you know what I mean…’ Levi says, grinning and accepting the sounds of laughter in the room with gratitude. Eren looks up at him and something inside him stings.

He can’t recognize the boy he has once fallen in love with. But there is no way he’s going to lose him, is what he tells himself and he comforts himself with the memory of Levi’ s lips on his own. Levi is his. Even if he has to share Levi with so many others, the boy will still stay his and his alone. He swallows slowly. The gang members and the confused people are now leaving the room, understanding they won’t find what they’re searching for in the basement tonight.

Mister K gives them a thumbs up, as if telling them that they are doing a good job and leaves as well.

It’s this moment that Eren hates the most. The moment when the drug addicts come to them and beg them for more and the money flows. Okay, okay... not really, he hates the moment after that way more. That moment when everyone becomes so much more relaxed and Levi choses a new girl for the evening and forces Eren to choose one too. All of this 'just to kill the rumours'.

It doesn’t happen every night, sometimes it doesn’t even happen once in a week, but Eren has a feeling tonight will be an unlucky one. For him.

And he’s right, because Levi sits down again and gestures at the girls. He winks at them and they chatter excitedly. ‘He’s going to pick me tonight!’ ‘You bet, he’s going to take me!’ and ‘I actually like Ren more.’ Eren rolls with his eyes when he hears the stupid nickname someone once made up for him after misunderstanding his name- he doesn’t even remember who- and that got spread around after that.

‘Just pick one,’ Levi demands him and Eren feels the emptiness inside him growing. Like a black hole and it’s devouring his insides, his hole being. Slowly.

Sometimes he thinks even death must be less cruel than Levi is, because death comes and destroys you fast at least. Or at any rate, it does when you take many pills at the same time. Eren knows. He’s had friends who couldn’t resist the sweet temptation of ‘ending’, of leaving everything behind any longer. Sometimes he wishes he could give in to that temptation as well. But that would mean leaving Levi behind, and he’s not going to give Levi up. Ever.

In the meantime, Levi is still gesturing at the girls like they are snacks on a buffet table, prepared for him only. Which they maybe are, Eren thinks, because they look pretty ‘prepared’. He feels like he knows them, and their feelings. Somehow they’re empty as well, but unlike him they don’t know how it feels like to be ‘full’. _(He’s not making a pun here, because he’s actually quite sure they do know how it feels to be filled in that way.)_ It's just that it seems like their only goal in life is to be pretty and strike a handsome boy in bed. They don’t know how much more they could have had. And Eren does.

Later on, some of them will ‘erase’ their wild years from their memories and become hard working mothers like society requires from them. Others will only fall further and further into this hole of drugs, sex, being pretty, getting admired and living the illusion they call life until they’ve fallen so low that nobody will even care if they just… disappear one day. Eren doesn’t know which ending seems worse. Anyway, this will all happen later, as for now they are only students. Or at least they have the ages of students, because some of them have given up on studying years ago already. Maybe their downfall has already started. The point is they don’t really care at this moment and get swept up in the moment and Eren does care. He knows things could be different because they once were and he will never be satisfied with a life like this. But he lets it happen. (Hence empty.)

He points at the girl who used his nickname because he knows she wants him and it always makes it a bit less worse when he actually feels desired. It flatters his ego quite a bit. Levi nods and gives him thumbs up. They get up at the same time and it’s almost funny to see how eyes follow them everywhere while walking across the room. Eren is sure Levi craves moments like this, but he himself only craves Levi.

Levi stops before a blond haired beauty and Eren bites his lip to keep a scream out of jealousy in. He reaches his hand to the girl he has chosen himself and she takes it and stands up, giggling. The boy pays a bit more attention to her now, and realises she is beautiful. She doesn’t look as fake as her friend…. If it is her friend. Eren doesn’t know and he doesn’t want to know. He never wants to stay in contact with the girls he has slept with. That being many. (Does that make him a slut? He doesn’t know. If he is one, then Levi surely is one as well and then he’s fine with that title.) Levi leads his girl to a door in the basement and Eren follows him with his own girl. They enter a room that Levi had ordered to build in the basement especially for this purpose once. Eren doesn’t get why he would go so far just to stop the rumours. Levi – and he too actually- has power and that power won’t just disappear so easily. He doesn’t understand why Levi feels like he has to do this. Why Levi has to break his heart every time again, only to heal it slowly afterwards, whispering things like ‘You’re still the one I love the most,’.  His lover is the most cruel person on earth. And yet he feels so damn grateful for being able to call him his lover. Eren shakes his head. How did things get messed up like this? He doesn’t deserve it.

Levi closes the door behind him. Eren knows that some of the remaining people in the room will now take their chances to do the same things with each other as he and Levi are about to do with the girls now as well. (Maybe they crave the comfort too. Maybe they’re all actually lonely inside and that’s what drives them into doing it.) Surely others will just continue to lie down and others will leave and go back down. The basement is  just a normal place beneath a dancing when the King has left his throne Room after all. Eren doesn’t understand why the girls keep coming. He never ‘keeps’ the girls, and Levi always dumps them after a few days of weeks too. But maybe they just want to live the illusion too. Maybe they keep going because they know it’s an easy way to get what they want. Because they’ll be able to brag to their friends about their sex experience with a bad boy, with a famous bad boy. On the other hand, surely those friends must know Levi and Eren have slept with so many girls that this one or few nights don’t mean a lot. They only chose the pretty girls though, so maybe it’s like a confirmation of their beauty for some of them too? He has literally no clue, but it’s not a thing he can be worrying about now while he pushes the girl on one of the two beds in the room. There are no windows in the room as they are underground, but there are some weakly shining lamps. The room is actually designed beautifully, and the beds looks luxurious and comfy, as to compensate the dullness of the main room of the basement. Eren can’t quite remember if the design of the room was his idea or Levi’s. It was probably Levi’ s.

He doesn’t look at the other bed while he quickly undresses the girl on his bed and she giggles annoyingly. ‘Ohhhh you are going fast! The rumours are true huh? You look like the shyest one, but you’re the roughest one in bed.’ She pulls his head down and he kisses her. She tastes so… so girl- like. Like strawberry and… and cocktails. He knows her words should make him feel proud or embarrassed but he just doesn’t feel anything. The emptiness has reached his heart as well by now- the only of his till that moment still uninfected organs- and is nibbling on it softly. It won’t take long until his heart will be eaten as well. It will come back, but it will be damaged. It comes back more damaged every time. One day it won’t come back anymore, that’s what Eren knows for sure. He needs to win back Levi completely before that happens. He just needs to.

Levi’s girl is making some excited sounds, and by that Eren can guess Levi must have taken his shirt off. He can imagine the beautiful, flat chest of his lover and swallows before taking a look at the completely-not-flat chest of the girl in front of him. He pulls her bra off and she smiles. ‘Like what you see?’ She asks. And he nods, because the girl does have some pretty breasts. _It’s just not what he wants to see right now_ and it requires a lot of his self-control not to jump off the bed and walk over to Levi. Maybe that might be the reason why Levi always wants the two of them to have sex in the same room, Eren thinks. Maybe Levi just likes being cruel by keeping what Eren desires so close and yet so unreachable.

 

He wants to get over with this quickly, like he always wants and gets the girl naked pretty fast. While undressing her, he tries not to think about how much more beautiful Levi’s naked body is. _Fuck._

The boy bends down. Right now, the only thing he can do is to try to enjoy this as much as possible and so he starts sucking on the left breast of the girl until she’s making some sounds as well. He wants Levi to hear them. Eren wants Levi to be jealous just like he is, but he knows that probably won’t happen. All of this is Levi’s idea after all. Levi doesn’t care.

The girl closes her eyes. ‘Please, Ren, please do it’, she begs him and Eren rolls his eyes because her line sounds like it came straight out of a porn movie. Eren gets out of his pants and kicks them off the bed. Taking of his shirt is the one thing he doesn't do, because he feels like that’s a sight that should be reserved to Levi only. He skips the foreplay or whatever the girl could expect him to do first and gets on with it. He thrusts into her, and even though he can’t deny it feels quite good, he can’t help but to feel bitter. The girl moans at the same time as Levi’s girl lets out a pleasured scream. She’s being really vocal and Eren grinds his teeth. It’s at moments like this that the feelings he’s most ashamed of afterwards, pop up. Hate. While he pounds into the girl, he imagines Levi lying between his thighs and doing this to him. It’s something they’ve never done before, Eren always being the ‘girl’ in their relationship, but somehow Eren really, really wants to hurt Levi. He wants him to experience all the pain he has put Eren through and he really doesn’t understand why he feels this way but he does and he. Just. Needs. Levi. To. Feel. His. Pain. It’s a funny thing how love and hate are so similar emotions.

He grabs the shoulders of the girl and trusts harder and when he hears the groans Levi is producing he gets turned on so much more and the illusion of heaving Levi beneath him becomes firmer. It’s a miracle he has never accidentally blurted out Levi’s name at a moment like this.

The girl puts her arms around him and pulls him closer. Eren pants.

‘S-so rough,’ She stutters and Eren snickers and speeds up his thrusts. ‘Don’t you like it this way?’ He says, voice low and husky on purpose, hoping that Levi will hear it.

‘A-ah yes’, she says and pleads him to continue. Eren does, and quickly turns his head to the side for a moment, only to see Levi winking at him while taking his girl from behind. He looks totally relaxed, like he’s watching a movie he likes a lot instead of having sex. Maybe watching Eren is just like watching a movie to Levi, Eren thinks. Maybe Levi sees this as his entertainment.

Eren shifts his attention to the girl again and slams harder into her. Like he’s forcing the negative emotions he doesn’t want to have, to leave his body and pushing them into hers.

_(Maybe Levi isn’t the only cruel person.)_

He soon reaches his climax and the girl does too, a few seconds before him and they both lay down on the bed for a moment. Silently, and Eren tries not to look at the other bed. The girl softly caresses Eren’s cheeks as if she feels there’s something wrong. ‘Ren?’ She asks.

‘Yeah?’ He answers, and it doesn’t sound as harsh as he intended it to be. She smiles, still slightly panting. ‘Just… thank you.’ She says and Eren blinks. Then he hears a sound from the other side of the room and he knows Levi just made his girl climax as well and that everything will be over soon. ‘Hey, Ren, can we… can we do this again sometime?’ The girl asks and Eren opens his mouth to refuse but then imagines Levi’ s jealous face and simply says ‘Maybe’.

He hopes Levi heard it. He hopes Levi will get angry for it and he knows he’s pathetic for wishing it but at least it would mean Levi' s paying some attention to him and that’s all he needs right now, after doing a thing like this. The girl looks sceptic, like she doesn’t completely believe him but he’s fine with that.

And suddenly Levi speaks up. ‘You two, get dressed. We still have some business to handle.’ The last part is addressed to Eren only and the latter feels a stupid sparkle of hope. Everything goes fast after that, the four of them get dressed quickly and leave the room, now filled with the smell of sex. The girl tells Eren her name and promises to come back the next day and then leaves, taking her friend with her. Some of the girls who were left in the basement follow them, and Eren can hear them gossiping. _‘How was it?’… ‘It felt great! Really, really great, too bad he didn’t allow me to stay.’ … ‘Ren did allow me to come back though!’ … ‘Are you freaking kidding? Ren? He allowed you to come back?’… ‘Yeah, he must have really liked me..’_

He can’t hear what they say next but they’re talking about how good Levi and he were and that’s what Levi’s purpose is after all, spreading rumours like that, so Levi must be happy. And when he sees Levi’s smug facial expression, he concludes he must guessed right.

 They make some appointments with people left in the basement, sell some packets of drugs and go upstairs to dance for a while. The usual stuff, but they don’t spare each other a glance when doing it.

It’s only after some hours that everyone has gone and that they are left alone in the basement and forced to talk to each other again.

‘Are you going home tonight?’

Eren takes a look at his watch and shakes his head. ‘No. Bro, it’s almost morning. I’m not going and I think I’ll skip school as well. You?’ He asks.

Levi lets himself fall down on the red couch. ‘Yeah. I will stay as well. K gave me the keys anyway.’

They can go to the special room, considering there are beds in there, but Eren doesn’t feel like it. There are too many bad feelings involved with that room and as long as Levi doesn’t suggest to move, he’s going to stay in the main room.

Levi gives him a lazy smile. ‘So you’re going to keep this one, aren’t you? She was pretty’, he remarks. Eren clenches his fists, for this means Levi heard him but doesn’t care at all.

‘Yeah, she was,’ He says, trying to sound as cold as possible.

‘But?’

‘But nothing.’

‘I think you want to say something else,’ Levi teases him and Eren has to give in, because this is Levi and he always has to give in to Levi.

 ‘…but your prettier.’

Levi laughs. ‘At least say I’m handsome, dude. Come on… ‘prettier’? I mean, seriously?’

‘Shut up,’ Eren says and he closes the distance between them to kiss Levi’s lips.

‘You missed me that much?’

‘Fuck you,’ Eren mutters.

‘I would much rather fuck _you_.’

Eren hates how Levi can talk about it like it all means nothing. Like what just happened meant nothing. One moment Levi keeps Eren away for weeks, and another moment he flirts with him like nothing ever changed. But things did change, and Eren isn’t going to forget that soon.

Maybe it would have been better if he had.

‘Okay’, Eren says and he embraces his lover. Levi pushes him down on the couch. ‘I can’t believe you still want to do this after what we just did. Such a horny boy…’

The truth is Eren doesn’t have any energy left, but it’s only during these moments that he feels… unbroken. The truth is that Eren doesn’t want to do it after the things they just did, but he has no other choice than to accept the offer. Because it’s Levi’s who’s offering it.

And he will give Levi everything. Always.

 

Because Levi is **his**. And he is Levi’ s.

 

-

-

_An ideal life? Huh. Don’t make me laugh. More like a utopia. An imagination._

**Author's Note:**

> Don't kill me for this angsty ending.


End file.
